Edinburgh

Today the sun came out and let me take pictures all around the royal mile.  And yes, it was all a hill.  And yes, I walked all the way up it.  But actually I didnt end up as out-of-breath as I thought I might.  Idk if it was because I was going slow to take pictures, because it was cool, or because my legs are getting stronger (probably all), but it seriously was not as hard as I thought it would be and i am super grateful.  Scotland, thus far, has given me two amazing days and renting a car has made every bit of a difference as I thought it would.  I have some kind of diesel vauxhall, and I can get close to 50mpg with it, which is incredible.

I wish I could properly describe the scenery or could have pulled over to the side of the road today to taking some good shots, but the highway was much more crowded than yesterday, so it wouldn't've been safe.

Ireland was wild and violent, somehow, in its beauty.  Scotland just leaves me with an impression that it is what it is and leaves you to yourself to love it or leave it. I most definitely fall into the former category. My heart fills with every inch of scenery or town or people I take in.  I am so happy here that I almost wish I had tried harder to study here rather than in Poland, but then when I think what that might have meant in missing out on Krakòw, I feel pretty painfully torn.

The lady who runs the Bed and Breakfast here in Kirkcaldy gave me a room up top, with a water view and my own bathroom.  I have groceries, thanks to Sainsbury, and wifi, with some beautiful songbirds singing outside my window. I have Hozier on (thanks, youtube,) and am reading Harry Potter while resting my feetsies. I have sent an email to a lady my mom found who will know more about where I need to go to track down what records I am looking for, and the town is small enough I think I can explore it and even if I do get lost I could probably just ask someone where Merchant House is, and they could tell me.

The people are so insanely friendly that it makes growing up in the south look like growing up in new york.  I said "good evening" to some people across the street when I got some food out of my car, and all of them greeted me back, including a mom having her tiny child call out "hiii!"  And one guy let me pet his dog.  (This sounds weird but in Kraków whether it is the language barrier or the relectuance to make eye contact, you generally just don't do that.)

Somehow it feels like home.  Not quite America, but the people, and the boisterous humor, and the open friendliness...  all of it feels so good, I know I will be very sad to leave.

There is a trope (one that is universal, and valueable, because everyone feels this way sometimes,) about being surrounded by people and feeling lonely.  I have been dealing with this for a while now.  In being single.  In being broke and stressed about money and school.  In keeping my head down and working.  It helped me, a lot, to move to Kraków and remind myself that I am my mother's daughter, and will never not love my surroundings and weather whatever I have to with unflappable flexibility.  It helped me remember I am my father's daughter, and will observe everything in its minutae with smirking regard to ironies and inconsistencies the world presents me.  And to smile and appreciate the differences that tie to common roots and understand that the world isn't black and white; only we are, in how we deal with shades of grey.

Scotland has made me feel the opposite.  I am by myself here.  I know no one. I am constantly on the move and I barely talk to anyone at all.

Somehow, I haven't felt alone for an instant.

I have not felt like I could ever live anywhere but America.  Having a job offer waiting for me in Kraków has been a wonderful backup plan in case my life ever stagnates.

But here.

In two days.

I could live here.